Beware of affection

At the end of the last month, one of those life changing events, worthy to celebrate again and again, took place. After almost one year together, my couple and I married in the embassy of Thailand, with two girls as official witnesses and some friends, most of them from Thai community, who didn’t want to miss that moment. Besides formalizing our relationship and changing our civil status, this important step implies upgrading the quality of our lives as couple since, finally, we can live together. This is something that Kuwaiti laws forbid between persons of different genders unless they are married. This affects both local and foreigners. I will talk about this and other aspects related to the expressions of love in this country.

Regarding the cohabitation between men and women in Kuwait, here the residential buildings can be apartments for bachelors or families. In the first ones, couples are not allowed and, if you want to rent a room in the family ones, it is necessary to present a legal document stating that you are married, and this marriage is recognized by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the Ministry of Justice. This applies to short stays at hotels too. In case the authorities would find that a boy and a girl are living together without being married, they could face penalties ranging from deportation (if they are foreigners) to some years in prison.

Source: www.npr.org

Besides the legal policies concerning sharing a residence, it is also important paying attention to the way we express our feelings in public places. There is no problem if we walk with our couple holding hands or even putting our hand in his/her shoulder. However, kissing can be a problem. A simple peck on the lips can be a scandal. For example, last April, an Indian guy and a Filipino girl were deported because of “indecent behavior in public”, after they were caught kissing in a public place. You can check this incident in this link:http://www.atimes.com/article/couple-deported-kissing-public-kuwait/

Source:Twitter @Almajlliss

It is incredible how a simple kiss can be perceived depending on the culture where one lives. My wife and I didn’t stay here so long as a couple but, this constant state of restraint when we are going out in the streets is provoking, little by little, a modification in our pattern of behavior in public, and we are starting to see this as something normal. I am sure that, although we could be traveling in other country with more open attitudes, we will keep restraining our actions until we can get used to the new local costumes. When we started our relationship, it was not easy but, we already reached a point when even a hug of two seconds looks kind of daring for us.

I hope this post, besides warning the couples who are considering coming Kuwait, can make those people who are out of here valuing more the place where they live and their freedom to display affection without fear of penalties. People don’t appreciate these details till they don’t have anymore.

Long live love!

Finding the right tune

Among the new things at the school where I work this year compared to the previous ones, I have to highlight the fact of not including the subject of Music in the school curriculum. The music, logically, is present at the life of every student, teacher and other staff member, but here they prefer to keep it for private life and leisure time. It is perceived as a entertainment and distraction, rather than a learning source and interaction with the environment, as it should be inside my mindset. This matches with the Islamic values at my school, very conservative as I could realize in these two first months.

The topic of the music provokes some controversy in the Islamic world. While some orthodox approaches see it as a something as offensive as drinking alcohol, other persons understand it as admissible and even as a element to be included in religious rituals, like the dervishes in Turkey. At the end, as it happens with other cultural characteristics such as using the veil, everything depends on the interpretation of each person has of the Koranic scriptures. I would like that some Muslim person correct me if I am wrong, but I couldn’t find any concrete verse prohibiting music, although it is suggested that it can be connected to sinful acts.

Sufi musician in the Muslim quarter of Nizalmuddin in Delhi (India)

Besides restrictions and prohibitions, actually in Kuwait the music is present in many events. Only in the last month I could attend a musical Broadway style, a performance of Korean dance groups, both traditional and break dance, and a concert of traditional Andean music. It is true that most of the performers are foreigners, resident or visitors, but there are also some local groups trying gain some recognition.

I don’t think that someday we will enjoy Music lessons at my school, but I guess it could be possible to arrange a short musical performance for some special event, such as the international week, for example. I have to check it with caution because you never know what might happen. Living inside a different culture is good for learning to perceive things from different points of view and mindsets. Many situations that we can see completely normal in our countries, here it could be a scandal, and vice versa. The most important, as always, is respect and tolerance in order to adapt and understand that there are multiple ways to perceive the World.

In the name of the father (and the grandfather's, the great-grandfather's...)

In these first days at the school, one my usual tasks is to manage the personal files for each student, arranging those who just joined this year. After checking the names and surnames of the students before entering their files in the archive, I could noticed, in certain cases, the remarkable length of some of them. That leaded me to investigate a bit more about the interesting world of the Arabic onomastics.

The 99 names of Alah, in the dome of the Grand Mosque of Kuwait

Abdullah Ahmed Mohammed Faisal Ali Abdul Aziz Al-Mubarak. This is a fictitious example of what any name could be in the Arabic countries. Nowadays, it is true that the way to name a person became more simple, using just a first name and a family name (called nisbah), but traditionally the name of a person also includes the name of the father, the grandfather’s and, sometimes, even the great-grandfather’s and other previous generations. Technically, each of these names should be followed of the particles ibn (“son”) or bint (“daughter”), but in most of the Arabic countries they are omitted.

Monument of the Cordoban poet and philosopher, Ibn Hazm (source: Wikipedia)

Sometimes, there is a word preceding the name, called kunya, expressing respect and honor towards other person. Some of the most common are Abu (“father”), Umm (“mother”) or Abdul (“servant”). One of the most frequent mistakes we commit in Western countries is separating the kunya from its related name, considering it as a name apart. For example, if we call someone just Abu, it would be like if we call him “someone’s father”, it wouldn’t make sense without the posterior name.

Kareem Abdul (servant of) Jabbar (source: Pinterest)

This way of naming could explain why, since I am here in Kuwait, every time that someone submits an official document with my name, most of the times they use just Francisco and my second surname (in Spain we have two surnames), assuming that it is my family name. My second name (I have a composed name) and my first surname usually are omitted since, possibly, they can be considered as my father’s and my grandfather’s name. Do you have any experience like that with your name being in an Arabic speaker country?

See you next time!

Purple horizon

Last Thursday, as you know, there were thousands of multitudinous demonstrations on the occasion of International Women’s Day. I am especially glad to see the success of this event in Spain where, besides the strike, many acts claiming for Women’s rights were held in the streets. Even in my city, Cordoba, where lately I was starting to perceive a kind of “lethargy” of social movements. However, 8th of March was a total success and there were many moving moments.

Surprisingly perhaps, in some countries in the Islamic World, there were some protests and proclamations regarding women’s rights too, such as Iran or Turkey. Here in Kuwait, there were no rallies but someone told me that in this month there will be some events related to this day, such as conferences or concerts (for those who are here, pay attention to the cultural agenda).

Compared to other Muslim countries, the situation of Kuwaiti women is superior in terms of rights and freedom and, in the last years, there has been some reforms in order to guarantee their participation in both social and political sphere. Regarding work, the female employment rate is the highest in the Gulf countries (around 53%) and women are very active in fields such as architecture, laws or medicine. They also hold high responsibility positions in the private business sector, having the right to open their own business, and the maternity leave is guaranteed too. On the other hand, there are organizations defending actively women’s rights, like the Women's Cultural & Social Society (WCSS), which contributed to women to get the right to vote (since 2006), and Bayadar al Salam, Islamic feminist association.

However, there are still some critical points to improve such as the domestic violence legislation (there is no any law penalizing it) and sexual harassment at work. Other sensitive topic is the situation of female migrant workers (coming mainly from Southeast Asia), who are in many cases exploited, with almost no possibility of legal defense. The government is increasing the control over the agencies and companies hiring theses workers in order to guarantee their protection.

Throughout the history of Kuwait, there has been many remarkable women and nowadays they are still contributing actively to the progress in different fields. At the political level, for example, we can mention Nabeela Al Mulla, Kuwait ambassador in Belgium. She was also Foreign Affairs ministry and representative of her country in several international agencies.

Other important woman is Fayza Al Khorafi, chemist. She was the first Head of a university in Middle East, between 1993 and 2002. She is now the vice-president of the World Science Academy.

We have to talk also about Laila Al Othman, writer and columnist, whose texts mention controversial topics for the most conservative sectors in Islam.

In the World of the arts, we can highlight the work of Sheikha Hussah Al Sabah, director and founder of Dar al Athar al Islamiyyah, a cultural organization aimed to preserve and enhance the artistic legacy in Kuwait  Other influential person in this field is Sheikha Altaf Salem Al-Ali Al-Sabah, president of Sadu House, an institution focused on the protection of cultural works of Bedouin women and their handicraft.

I hope that this 8th of March can be one more step towards the complete gender equity around the World. It is possible with little effort coming from different fields. Each person can do something from his or her context of influence, educating, increasing awareness, cooperating… there are many examples to do this. The feminist movement affects everyone regardless the ideology, their achievements benefit to everyone as society. It is not a strategy to get votes or a kind of propaganda, as I am reading these days in some media. A bit of reflection wouldn’t do us any harm.

For all of them. 

Game of divans

If you walk (or you try to walk) in Kuwait and you pay attention to the entrances of the houses, you will discover that sometimes there are some divans forming an inverted U. Here is where Kuwaitis gather together to celebrate one of the most entrenched costumes in the country, representing one of the main pillars of socialization and communication. It is the called “diwaniya”, a gathering sometimes about political and social topics, or merely to spend time chatting, eating and drinking tea in a relaxed atmosphere.

The diwaniyas can be both private (among closed groups of friends or relatives) or public, where everyone can participate and give some opinions. In this case, people discuss generally political topics, like a small citizen’s assembly, providing active participation for the people. They are especially active during election periods. This kind of meetings are a good examples of the level of freedom of speech existing in Kuwait, with more democratic participation than other countries in this area.

 

Tea and sweets, always there

According to what I heard, it is not usual that a foreigner can be invited to participate in a private diwaniya, although it is normally possible to join to any public one, as long as the language is not an obstacle. I already commented in another post that AWARE association organizes discussions every Tuesday, mainly for foreigners in Kuwait, where a moderator holds a debate in English around several topics related to cultural exchange between Western and Arab culture. In these events, not only you can learn interesting information, but they are also a good opportunity to meet new people, something which is not very easy in this place as we already know.

I am glad to know that traditions like this one are being kept, with debates promoting the dialogue, the understanding of other realities and the critical thinking, in this World where people tend more and more to criticize with resentment and without any base, from the anonymity of social media. We have to go out more, knowing, discovering and experimenting and, if it is possible, debating with other people face to face, with empathy and without blind hatred. It is a way to improve somehow the coming prospect we will need to face. 

Shall we meet?

Before coming to Kuwait I spent some time investigating in Internet about the pros and cons of this place. One of the most usual complaints among other foreigners who already lived here was the difficulty of making friends and socializing. There was all kind of people, of course, but most of them lament their small social circle and the lack of opportunities of leisure. I didn’t think it could be so frustrating but, after some weeks, all these opinions started to be confirmed. I don’t know if it is because of personal or situational reasons but, among all the countries I have been, this is the one where I am finding more complicated to find persons who I can call friends.

Starting with my personal circumstances, I don’t think that living in a neighborhood like Fintas, far from all kind of center of leisure and socialization, can make it easy if I want to know and meet new people. I already commented in other post that this country is made for vehicles, not for persons, and moving from one side to other is very tired because it is very time consuming. This is by the way other of the factors which hinder meeting someone: the lack of time. I have a very busy schedule and, if I add the master I started two weeks ago, I almost don’t have hours left. But anyway, every weekend I seize the opportunity to go out and do something else than working and studying.

Seaside in Salmiya, where almost every Friday go for running

Other intrapersonal factor, which also affects to many migrants in any other country, is the continuous wheel of farewells and bye byes. People who have been for a long time out of their countries tend to be exposed to this situation very often. Kuwait is not one of those countries where people stay too long, and most of the persons come here for a short period and they leave as soon as they can (there are obviously some exceptions, but this is like that at least for those who come alone). This implies that there is people who don’t want to get involved so much in a friendship, because they don’t want to experience again the same situation. In my case, I must admit that I feel something similar and, after so many years traveling around, I still couldn’t normalize these “mourning” processes when I have to leave my beloved friends behind. But that doesn’t stop my wishes to socialize and make friends as something paramount whenever I go.

Talking now about external factors, totally out of my control, I would start for the usual profile of foreigner coming to this country. It is still early to make a precise description but, according to other comments I read in social media and conversations with other expats, I see there are many people who come here merely because they want to make money, without caring about social life at all. These are individuals who focus only on their work and they even use their free time to do extra hours in any other place. In the other hand, I also see there are many expats coming with their families, in some cases with children, with a set of recreational habits in somehow far from the single ones’, like in my case. Even so, I have to say that in all these years I met wonderful people in this family situation and I really enjoyed with them (although I tend to keep myself apart when the plan for Saturday is going to a theme park for children…).

Kuwait, apart from its planned for cars urban design, doesn’t offer too many activities and leisure places. I mean, it has nothing to do with Dubai, for example, although, if one explores well, it is always possible to find something interesting to do. Other related to leisure time factor is the absence of alcohol. For me it doesn’t mean any obstacle but I know people who don’t feel so comfortable socializing without having any alcohol around. However, this doesn’t mean that there are no pubs in Kuwait. I was once in one, where there were no spirits but shishas. If you are not bothered by the itchy eyes of the remaining smell on your clothes,, then it is not a bad place.

Despite all these circumstances, in the last weeks I have been meeting new people who I can arrange meetings and activities with, like running, now when the weather is very convenient. It is a question of time, that’s it, as in every part of the World, although here it is a bit more complicated. By the way, does anyone fancy a cup of coffee?